boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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