so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just forgot I was standing up.
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