I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
