I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
