you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
