I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
