Got a toothbrush?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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