This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
