haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sext me about skeletons
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
