When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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