Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
