why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
