Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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