One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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