he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
