Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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