Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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