why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
