hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just found a bag of teeth...
ttyl tear gas
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
