It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We are two peas in an std pod
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
