i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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