The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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