Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
