I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
