Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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