i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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