i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
