I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
