Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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