Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
