Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just high enough for therapy.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
