The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
