Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
