god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
How's work?
Spinning.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
