I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
