I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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