Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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