U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
