The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
