What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
