Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
porn star boner night. come get it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
