just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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