can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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