Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
