You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
