dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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