I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
