Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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