i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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