This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
