so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
