addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
