It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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